Shocker – I Know Myself

The past few weeks I’ve been thinking… I really wish I could work on these projects by myself. I’ve been in ‘education’ for what… 16 years now: elementary, high school, college — I think I know a thing or two about my learning style. I’ll tell you right now, my learning style DOES NOT include working in a group. I’m fine with working with  a group. But when the intent is to learn something — something vital to your success — I’m a tragic fail.

I consciously check out when I don’t feel like I’m getting something out of it. I’d rather not have any control than just a little bit. I’d rather learn the content later, on my own, then struggle through the process with a bunch of people. I’m not attacking anyone personally, it’s just my own learning style. Everyone has their own way of doing things. I graduated college — I know how I function, and I know how I operate best in a learning environment.

So… Working individually, being able to ask for help, that’s definitely my preferred learning style.

Not to mention, being stuck in a classroom all day long really doesn’t help the overall mood.

Today we did a practice test. I felt so much better after today. I feel like I completely grasped the content. Finally. I know what’s going on. I understand all the symbols and acronyms. Golly Gee!! I think she’s got it.

I say this now… but when shit hits the fan tomorrow — well, we’ll see if she really has it. Or if she’s just tooting her own horn.

Last night I had a complete emotional breakdown. I do this about once a month. It’s inevitable. I also did it at least once in every phase of OCS. It happens. And since I’ve been here, I’ve done it once a month. Sometimes you just need a good cry. And then I get really mad at myself for crying. I tell myself that I’m not being a soldier and to pull it together. So I do. And then I’m fine. So that’s what I did. I got really stressed out about the mission analysis test. About being away from home. About my friends. About the class that I’m in. Just life… and then it was over. Normal, right?

Today I was really sore from my psycho workout yesterday and then more craziness this morning. So — I opted to run errands with Dave instead. And… totally cheat by eating tacos at La Casita. I’m sorry, but I had to. It’s a big test tomorrow — I needed the motivation. No, actually… I just really wanted some freaking tacos — WITH the tortillas. So I did. Whatever.

We’re all excited for this weekend. To be done with MOD B. It’s been a strenuous few weeks and I’m excited to have it behind me. If I fail tomorrow, I’ll re-take it on Monday. If I fail on Monday then I’ll join a different class. Either way, I’m good with the outcome. Whatever happens is meant to be.

But for now — I’m ready for some laughs. I’m ready to be Hayley and not ‘Lieutenant.’ I’m ready to wear jeans and get out of Army land.

XO

Paisley

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